Goodman Games

Player: we are gonna shake these guys down and see if they will pay for us to solve their problem.

Judge: Dude, he's a Jarl surrounded by his Thegns. You guys are only first level.

Player: no, you don't understand WE'RE FIRST LEVEL!



Player: does any one in here look like they would be worth fighting for xp?

Judge: No.

Player: damn. Ok, does anyone here have better armor than me?


Player: I'm tired of this dudes mouth, I'm gonna mighty deed his ass.


Player: I lay on hands.

:fail:

I lay on hands

:fail:

I lay on hands
:fail:

Judge: Dude, your deity is a god of battle, even your dice are telling you to man up.

Good ones! Especially the first, it made me chuckle a bit.

Ravenheart87 wrote:Good ones! Especially the first, it made me chuckle a bit.

Yeah, gotta play DCC to fully appreciate this one

An ornate wide silver linked choker?! Oh hell, Yes! <other players snicker> You don't understand, that means I won't get the garrote while you losers will be vulnerable! Vampires beware! w00!

From our game tonight at the waystation

These are awesome. I need to dig through my sessions and come up with some.

//H

"Yeah, yeah we read from the book and say the words.....THAT sounds like a good idea.....NOT! Say your own DAMN words!"
"I went on this adventure with my Dad,Mom,Sister,both brothers and grandpa,It's gonna be one empty ass homecoming"
"Why are all of you looking at me like that? He was evil! Trust me guys! You never run intro a good guy this far into the maze and besides he looked exactly like me!"
"sh*t!Who forgot to tie up the vampire?"
"No,no! I'm alive! I still have 3 hit points left!,oh no sorry I'm dead,that was cheese"
"What the hell happened to four man adventuring parties? Tired of crowds of violent greedy bastards where ever we go"
"Oh wait! I'm not dead! I get a save roll when you turn me over!*rolls dice* Nope,didn't make it,I'm dead Jim"
"After we finish up here we are following the trail back to their village! We are killing every single orc that lived and any that get away we will track down and kill.Any tracks from people trading with these orcs we follow them back to where ever they come from and kill them to.We are doing it and we are going to be happy doing it and not one stinking henchman or hireling,not even BOB is going to say one word about it because if one of you does,I will side with the orcs and wipe you all out!"
"Wait wait! it wasn't cheese! It's om my old character sheet as well."
"I knew Bob was going to be the death of me,I just thought it would be later on after the massacre"
"If you make another Wizard we are going to kill you as soon as you join us.Make a cleric and pay your dues because after THAT run...you are WAY behind on your dues."
"I DID say the words the right way DAMN IT! I got you red handed because I taped the entire thing with my cell phone the first time!
"Funny,I could have sworn it was the way I said it"Shrug"ok so whats the worst that could happen?"
"I'm so sick of being lost in this maze alone"
"Hot damn I see you guys coming towards me so I run up to join you!"

Rostranor wrote:Player: I'm tired of this dudes mouth, I'm gonna mighty deed his ass.

I'd think Mighty Deeding his mouth might ease the pain a bit more...

Judge: the specter reaches out and chokes Gemini for four points. Opposed STR check to break free.

Player: She takes the four points of damage, but she kinda likes it.

Player2: is that gonna be party knowledge?

Player1: Wait, who are you taking as a Patron for your Wizard.

Player2: Hey don't worry about it! Its only going to have an effect on me....mostly.



Player: I just hit second Level! If the hirelings weren't all dead I would buy them a beer back in town. This is the greatest day ever!

Thief character after failing their 3rd check to open a dungeon door, "Well, I guess this thing needs a key or something."

Dawrven Character: "Key!! What'd you mean we need a Key?!" She lovingly pats the head of her battle axe, "I got's yer key rriiight here." Grins mischievously...

From Doom of the Savage Kings
The party had just found hounds lair and half the party was climbing down a rope. The other half were topside so I have the hound divebomb straight down.
PLAYERS: WTF!?!? That's. Not fair you never said he could fly! He doesn't have wings on the cover. How the hell are we supposed to fight this thing? This can't be a level one adventure.

Prison Inmate Zero Level Funnel:

"You have a longsword? You are now Prison King, we will follow you, but you have to fight."

Two encounters later.

"Damn! Prison King is Dead! Who else has a STR bonus to hit? You do? All Hail new Prison King."


And thus both my joy of the game and an understanding of medieval history has grown.

I dislike it when characters are talking numbers. They should be asking "Who here is strong?" rather than "Who has a STR bonus".

Judge at today's (August 29th) DCC game: "I'm disappointed at your psychotic outrage"

Player1: Damn, another tight spot. I am going to cast Enlarge.

Player 2: DUDE! Everytime you cast that you have to roll to see if you fall asleep and its the first spell you cast.

Player 1: Its only a DC 5 save.

Player3: Which you always fail.

PLayer 1: Whatever, I cast it. Success! and..

d20: 3

All: ARGHHHH

Player1: If they live I get XP for this fight right?

Rostranor wrote:Player1: Damn, another tight spot. I am going to cast Enlarge.

Player 2: DUDE! Everytime you cast that you have to roll to see if you fall asleep and its the first spell you cast.

Player 1: Its only a DC 5 save.

Player3: Which you always fail.

PLayer 1: Whatever, I cast it. Success! and..

d20: 3

All: ARGHHHH

Player1: If they live I get XP for this fight right?

That's become one of my favorite mercurial effects. My party's wizard has in combination with Read Magic. Last session ended when he used Read Magic to interpret some runes on an ancient battleaxe and promptly fell asleep. Great cliffhanger, that he role-played as follows: "I can read these runes! I know what they say! Zzzzzzzzzz."

From the G+ Metal Militia Game:

Judge: Riding the crest of the tidal wave the boat you are on begins to go faster and faster as the music fills the air around you.

Player: My halfling gets on the prow of the boat, draws his short sword and plays air guitar to the rocking music.

Judge: Ok. you go FULL windmill!

That was awesome; I loved Optimo's performance in the "Mosh Pit" with those scaly lil Yellow buggers as well. Nothing like the two handed salad shooter to make short work of a bunch of "Stryper" fans.

Player 1: Cleric! Are you going to do something to help!?

Player 2: Are you kidding me? I just beseeched my deity for Divine Aid and it was granted. What more do you want?

Player 1: All I heard were a bunch of empty promises you are never going to be able to keep!